a little honesty

i was searching through "artsy" blogs today and came across a phrase... "turn off the computer. make art." over at http://www.DirtyFootprints-Studio.com kinda took me by surprise. i spend hours a week surfing through creative blogs and websites searching for inspiration and ideas. why? as far as i see it, creative types of people blog for two reasons- to inspire others and to show their work. of course it can be a good thing to spend time admiring the art of others- for them and you. but am i using it as an excuse?

i think that maybe i don't trust my creative intuition. i'm sure this lack of trust in myself is not limited to my creativity. it follows me around in my daily life. i've always struggled with being who i want to be or who i think i'm meant to be vs. who i should be or who i'm expected to be. i want to be loved for who i am. i do. so, if i'm not allowing myself to be me, what am i asking of people?

i honestly don't know how to let go. i have a strong desire to do things right the first time, for things to be perfect every time. maybe perfection is relative. i've been told i'm my worst critic and i think this is true for most people. i KNOW i'm a creative person. i KNOW there are ideas in my head. what i don't know is how to access those ideas and then how to trust them. every once in a while i get really attached to a creative idea or a line for a poem and i allow myself to follow through. most of the time, though, i blow it off. when i sit down to do a project, i don't think i'm really letting go. no, i know i'm not. anyone have advice for trusting and believing?

hopefully this will help. i commit to spending some time every day working on a project or poem or song. even if i'm not in the mood, even if i feel like i have no good ideas or thoughts, i will work on something.

one more thing. while i am a little bit afraid of failure (it's hurtful to be told something you made is not good enough), i think i'm more afraid of success. what if i write a couple of really good poems and then there's no more good ones in me? what if i write the book that's been floating in my head and i can't write another? what if i only get 2 good art pieces out of 100? what if i can't match up to myself?? people who make it in this world aren't afraid of no. when they have a dream or passion, they push themselves. they get better and someone eventually notices. why can't i be one of them?

achievements 2 & 3

i took a photo the other day. it's not just an everyday photo. i also did not plan it out. it was not designed or placed or anything else. what makes it a creative achievement, though, is the fact that i noticed it. i was walking back up the sidewalk in front of my house after taking the kids to school and i saw this. all i could see was a photograph and there was enough untouched snow around it to make it perfect.


the footprint on the left is mine and the one on the right belongs to my 6 year old son, although i'm not sure which one (i have twins). i think what really caught my attention was the fact that my foot doesn't seem that much bigger than theirs. i do have small feet and i don't think they have big feet. i have a theory that my hands and feet stopped growing when i was around 10 so i look forward to comparing with them when they are 10. based on this photo, though, i think it'll be pretty close.

my other achievement is... i finished my doodled stars! i got really into it when i started and did 4. then, in corinne fashion, i lost interest. it was really hard to finish. i used all the creativity i could muster on one of the last two stars, and honestly, the very last star i did looks awful. i just didn't have anything left in me. doing 6 at a time was ambitious and i'll probably not do that again. here they are:


i do have a few favorites. the one is just ugly, and two others i feel are just okay... but, here are my top 3:




so, basically, these are just done with sharpie and bic markers. basic coloring and doodling. it's something new for me and i'm still learning but it's calming and helps me relax. i love it! it may not look amazing and it may not make me any money, but it sure helps me work out my creative muscles in short spurts. no long commitment. isn't that what we all want from any work out- a short time commitment but to still feel good after?

more is on the way! i can't wait until i have something else to post. i know people are viewing my blog (i can see page views) but no one has started following me... should i follow myself so no one has to be the first? heehee. also, for those who know blogger well, i don't know any other way to move around my images other than to go to the "edit html" tab and move them there. when i add them, they automatically add to the top of my post without the option of adding text above it. am i missing something or is this the only way??

achievement #1

I haven't written since my original post. I have many things in the works but nothing is done. Here's the list:
1. practicing two songs I hope to record
2. finishing up a knitted scarf
3. working on a poem
4. finishing up a set of doodled stars

I do have my first creative achievement, though! I count this because it fueled my creative soul and I believe that feeding yourself creativity is as important as using your creativity. I was surprised (by my husband) with tickets to see Cirque du Soleil- Dralion this past Friday! We had floor seats, 3 rows back, just to the left of the stage and were far enough back to be able to see everything clearly. It was amazing! I loved it! It had everything I would expect- juggling (7 balls), walking on huge balls, jumping through small hoops, hanging from the ceiling from ribbons and rings, lots of acrobatics and dancing and spinning... It also had a few things I wasn't expecting. There was some audience interaction, lots of comedy, and the music was live! I didn't realize it at first until I saw the singer out on the stage. Only one voice for the whole show. Once I realized it wasn't recorded music, I noticed the band. The music was just as good as everything else. I was also mesmerized by the costumes. Beautiful colors, beautiful fabrics, beautiful fibers. Yes, seeing this show, taking in all the creativity it had to offer, and letting it fuel my creative brain was a creative achievement. I am so thankful!

Well, I'm hoping I finish up some things on the list above this week. I've got lots of ideas and thoughts but I want to finish up some things before I move on. I have a problem with not finishing things. I tend to get bored and want to start something new. This especially makes knitting difficult. Once I have enough done to know it will (or won't) turn out the way I envisioned, I tend to quit. Actually, if I went through my stuff, I probably have 10-15 things partially done that I could finish up and put towards my 100 achievements. But what if I forget some of my new ideas while spending my time on stuff that's already started? I suppose the idea of a creative journal to house my ideas could be a good thing. Hmmm. Something for me to think about.

introduction

so, i vowed to myself that i would do 100 creative things in 2011. not really a resolution, i just want to do what makes me happy. creating makes me happy, alive, and real. i thought i'd start a blog a long time ago and created this account but never did anything with it. now, i'm here making my first post on the 10th day of the new year, deeming this a place to document my creative achievements and hold myself accountable. (i don't know much about blogger yet but i'm sure i'll figure it out.)

i'm not limiting myself so my creative achievements can be in any category. i have a list of categories i think i'll most likely stay within but one never knows what will happen. writing, music, design, photography, art, knitting, sewing, crafting... that's a lot in itself but i definitely wouldn't mind finding or learning about something else. if i thought i was really great at something in particular, i'd stick to that. but my problem is that i'm a little bit good at a lot of things and not really good at any of them.

i don't doubt that i will end up writing about other areas of my life here but if it ends up blurring out the creativity posts then i will most likely start a different blog for that stuff. if i write about it that much, it will deserve its own place. perhaps, if i need inspiration, i will occasionally post the work of other people or some things i've done in the past.

so, 10 days into the year and i have yet to do anything creative. well, i did take a photo in low light last night but i haven't looked at it on a big screen yet so i'm not sure if it turned out good enough to count yet. i took it on my iphone so chances are, it's not. i recorded myself singing a song i'd not recorded before but i am off key during part of it so i'm not counting that either. maybe when i can do better, i will. i guess that's what this blog is for, too. to remind myself that i can't perfect everything i do. that sometimes, if doing it made me happy, my best was good enough.